Head Splodeys

Ohbladee Ohbladah...
2000-12-05 - 05:01:00

Ayup. Fairly sane, again.

Had a bad time of it last Thursday night. Not brought on by anything, really, just in an incredibly foul mood. Started off being just vaguely disgruntled, moved on to wanting badly to hurt something, then dissolved into miserable depression. I meant to write about it, but I wasn't up to it then, & don't particularly care to recreate the mood now.

On the plus side, MS actually drove me home from the club this time, & made sure I was okay before rejoining NC. I'd like to think that maybe he's learned something in all of this, but he probably did it mostly because it was convenient to do so this time. Still, it was nice to see that he still cared.

He kept trying to hug me, to offer some sort of comfort, but it had the opposite affect. I told him a couple of weeks ago that his new mutant power was making me cry just by touching me. At one point, I hugged him back, then had to sit on the other side of the room trying not to cry because it felt *so good* & I can't have that, anymore.

Heh. Did I not just say I wasn't going to try recreate the mood? Bleh.

Yeah, so anyway... other than that, I haven't felt too bad. I had all sorts of great, introspective thoughts worked out earlier, but I can't think of a single one, now. Ah, well, maybe they'll come to me later.

One bad moment today: eating dinner w/ MS, something about onions came up, & MS busts out w/ "That was another sign that things were meant to be! She likes garlic pizza w/ artichoke hearts!" (I like garlic pizza, but not nearly as garlicy as MS does, & I loathe artichoke hearts). I know he was just joking around, but I'm not quite at the point yet where I'm okay w/ having pointed out to me all of the ways that NC is better for MS than I am, & I told him so. "Thanks. Could you twist that knife a little deeper, please? She likes artichoke hearts, she plays guitar, she plays pool, she doesn't listen to Human Drama..." MS, firmly enmeshed in his stupid guy-ness, just added "yeah, & she asks me what's happened in the video game since the last time she saw it. She actually cares about the plot!". Yes, MS, I'm very pleased about how much cooler than me your new GF is. ::rolls eyes::

Honestly, I really don't think he's trying to hurt me. If I start to look mopey, he gets this cute little puppy dog look & says how much he likes me, & how he always has... but dammit, a *little* empathy would be nice every once in a while.

Give a Clix, if you please.

midi lives in gloomcounty
midi came from Ravenswood Manor