Head Splodeys

Pain is a better one
2000-12-29 - 03:59:26

Lesson for today, in the words of the illustrious Ms. Sheri Tepper:

Curiosity is a good goad, but pain is a better one. It is pain that moves us, that makes us learn how to cure, how to mend, how to improve, how to re-create.

Not long ago, a friend of mine observed that my life is actually pretty damn groovy. Here I am, w/ this great opportunity to start over at square one, without having made any permanent mistakes, really (I'm not in debt, no kids, no divorce, yadda yadda yadda).

It's a nice thought, but also a pretty damn frightening one. What now? Something I've been pondering on & off since I graduated highschool. I've got a few tentative plans, but nothing solid. Luckily, since I have no debts & no kids, & not a huge amount of bills, I don't have to worry so much about making a great living right away.

And, of course, I can always be a stripper. It sucks, but hopefully I can handle it if I have a definite goal (currently, to catch up on my bills & save up enough for an equine sports massage therapy course).

It's bizarre... I'm suddenly back pretty much exactly where I was when I graduated high school, except now I don't have a horse to support, & I have some extra emotional baggage (which I'm trying hard to convert into Valuable Life Lessons). I'm even back to having crushes on guys who live far away from me and/or are completely not interested in me, so as to neatly avoid that whole bothersome actual relationship thing (a speciality of mine from about the time I hit puberty 'till I met MS). At this point, I think sticking to the relationships in my head for awhile would be a good thing, anyway.

It's like I was telling LL last year... it's like MS is my Faerie King, & I was just floating along in a fog while I was w/ him. It's time to crawl out of my comfy little faerie mound & pick up my life already in progress.

[Note: the above kindof makes it seem like I'm blaming MS for my life stagnating right around '93. I'm not, really. I think one of our main problems was that we're just too alike in too many ways. One of those ways is slack. He was my slack enabler. One day, maybe I'll meet somebody who motivates me. Right now, I guess I've gotta motivate myself.]

An afterthought about the broken snoglobe: I realized this morning that it had been an anniversary present from MS. ::sigh::

Give a Clix, if you please.

midi lives in gloomcounty
midi came from Ravenswood Manor