Head Splodeys

Would you go left, or right?
Saturday, Feb. 02, 2002 - 4:03 p.m.

I don't know what's wrong with me, now, but I wish it would stop.

I'm not really sick, but I'm feeling generally physically icky. Mentally, I'm not really depressed or cranky, just out of sorts. Not Myself (or, at least, not the Self that I want to be).

I'm restless, but I don't want to do anything. Every time I start a project, I lose interest a few minutes into it. I sleep a lot, but only for a few hours at a time (who knew you could combine insomnia w/ whatever the technical term for sleeping too much is. Damn, I'm good). I don't want to be in bed, but I'm not really terribly pleased about being awake, either.

Mostly, everything is coloured by a deeply pervading sense that something's Not Right. It feels as though either something very bad is about to happen, or is happening right now. Maybe I could stop it, if I knew what it was, but I don't.

Something is going to be lost or taken away. Choices are going to be made, things are going to happen, & I'm not going to like them.

Or maybe I *am* just depressed. Or pregnant, like the Squeezy dreamt.

I've been thinking a lot about choices, lately. About how nice it would be if you ever knew if you'd made the right ones. About how maybe there's no such thing as right or wrong, good or bad, there's only different. Even then, though, I'd like to be able to weigh the pros & cons of each difference before embracing one over the other. I never could read a Choose Your Own adventure book without reading through all of the different plotlines.

I'm terrified that I'm making the wrong choices. I'm pretty happy with my life right now, but couldn't it be better if I did some things differently?

I want to be able to see alternate realities. I want to be able to channel surf my life before I commit to watching any particular program. I want to shuffle the different pathways I could take & have time to study the spread before I choose a card. I want doors number one & two to be clearly labeled.

Failing that, I'd at least like some sort of indication that I'm headed in the right direction. Please?

Give a Clix, if you please.

midi lives in gloomcounty
midi came from Ravenswood Manor