Head Splodeys

Hairdye fume ramblings
2001-04-12 - 9:09 p.m.

Somebody help me. I can't stop joining webrings. I think I need to make a seperate page just for them. If only I could figure out how to make a new page...

I wish my toenails would stop growing.

Just finished dying my hair for the first time since... um... January? Eesh. I raided MS's bathroom for the light blonde Clairol whatsits that's been sitting there unused for months. Ironically, NC gave it to him because she decided she'd never use it, & knew the House O Slack was keen on hair altering. Usually I'm not big on natural blonde, but I still can't afford bleach, & my roots were making me mental (IV has trained me well... I find I now have a deep aversion to my natural hair color).

So my hair's not exactly what I'd choose it to be, but it's better than it was. I look a little like that buttsmack from Kaja Googoo. Just continuing in my tour of the '80's, one hairdo at a time.

Strange what a difference just dying my hair makes in my mood.

Not that I was in a particularly bad mood before, but now I'm in a better one. Which is good, since I'll be making the weekly exodus to the Spooky Doom Pit a little later, & NC & MS will probably be there, too. This will be the first time I've seen them together since we all turned back into a weird little "casually dating" triangle. I really do think I'm okay with this situation this time around, but that's what I thought last time, too, in the beginning.

I sincerely think I'm good with this, though. I have been less anxious since MS & I decided to not be a serious couple for awhile. I think this actually might be what I tried to do last september (read the BZ chronicles, if anyone's curious what I'm talking about). I still get these weird thoughts/impulses, where that stupid histrionic voice in my head tries to tell me that he shouldn't need to talk to someone else about the stuff he can't talk to me about, how I should be all he needs for anything, ever. Occaisionally I get all weird & paranoid & jealous, wondering exactly what goes on at NC's when he's there (though, logically, I suspect it's mostly video game playing & movie watching).

The cool thing, though, is that although I still have these thoughts, they're generally fleeting things. I can tell myself, "stop it, that's ridiculous" & I actually believe myself. Before, when I had these thoughts, I'd tell myself I was being silly, but it wouldn't stop me from freaking out & obsessing & going all fetal with unreasoning misery.

No, I think just the fact that I keep having these stupidly posessive impulses is a pretty good indicator that we do, in fact, need some space in our relationship. As tempting as it is to make someone you love into your Whole World (as I've pretty undeniably done with MS), it's really not healthy for anyone involved.

Heh. I think I'm doomed to live relationship cliches & mean them ("I don't think we should date... but I really want to stay friends." "I need space.")

Give a Clix, if you please.

midi lives in gloomcounty
midi came from Ravenswood Manor